Prepare, prepare, prepare... and Lennart

I am SO pissed at myself. I just finished a course in 'Speak' the kind you do when you do radio commercials, or an audiobook. And in my opinion I didn't prepare myself enough for the last session we had, we went to a studio and recorded different stuff that we had prepared, and I just didn't feel like I've prepared enough. And it's not the first time I feel that way. When I'm sitting at home and should be preparing, I always postpone it. I did the same thing when I was doing the course in L.A.. We had 'Shakespear class' and was suppose to prepare for it, know the lines you know, and I came in and hadn't prepared for it enough. So we took from where it was, from me not knowing the lines, and that was ok. But I could just really feel that the fact that I didn't know the lines held me back, cause I couldn't get into the text properly, cause I all the time had to see what the next line was. And after that I promised myself that I would never do that again, that I would always come prepared, and then today I didn't come prepared.
And it's not that I didn't get anything out of this course, I really did and I'm sure I can use the disc we made today too, but I just know it would have been so much better if I prepare more...!

There is something that I wanted to share with you, but just haven't... I was involved in this 'Reading'. The concept was pretty simple, there had been a course in script writing, and as a wrap of the course they asked some actors to act out some of their texts. Kind of down to earth, we were allowed to hold the scripts, but it was still with an audience. A really REALLY interesting thing to be involved in.
There were especially this one part of a script (for most parts we were handed parts of scripts and not full scripts, cause we only had a short preparation) that I really like. It was between my character who was a grandfather to this young girl, played by my partner of course, and there were so much said between the lines, it was really interesting to do. And I really felt like I got this old guy, Lennart, was his name, under my skin. It was so amazing to get that sensation! Unfortunately I was so focused on my partner and that she had to remember to give me time to act, to show this guy and his silences. That I, at one point got lost in the piece, and stole one of her lines, which screwed up the beat a bit in the scene, nothing I thing the audience realized, but when it's there, it's such a shame, cause it should have been spotless. I learned a big lesson there, which was; focus on yourself! And then listen to your partner!

It's a bit funny with these old guys, cause it's not the first time I've done an old character whom I've really felt connected to, and who got under my skin. Don't know what it is, but I really like playing them!

Godspeed Grandpa, you are in our hearts!


My thoughts to you and yours,

Lucas Alexander

Mr. Mayer in the Night

Finally I got my hands on the dvd 'Any Given Thursday'. Which is, for you who don't know it, a John Mayer live dvd. And I just watched the interview on the disc, it was really short, but he simply touchest something in me. He's so straight forward, and so pure, he knows what he's talking about, and really feel the songs which he's playing. And he goes where ever his mind takes him, do you know what I mean. He gets an impulse, and without thinking about it goes for it. Something which Meisner talkes alot about too (I'm reading Mesiner's 'On acting' at the moment).
I'm going to watch John Mayer live in concert soon here in Denmark, can't wait now, after seing that interview! I just still hope he's at a healthy place in his music and life.

I'm still up, even though I should be in bed, but do you know the nights where you just feel inspired? So I guess I'll do something creative with my hands, while I'm listening to John Mayer, and forget about the time and that it's late... Cause, you know; time doesn't exist, clocks does, but not time. It's a question of preference... Do you prefer it to be dark out, or light?

Tonight I like it dark... See you in the darkness!

All the best to you and yours

Lucas Alexander

Feel and consuming 'fake joy'

I feel like I don't know myself anymore, what happened to that guy who was up and out and doing stuff? I feel like all my inspiration is gone, and I don't know what to do to regain it... I still feel like there's something that I'm missing, that I can't see. I basically feel pathetic, and it's like I don't even care, which is terrifying. Cause I know I'm not suppose to feel like that, and I know that it is me who holds the power to get going, I just don't know where to focus, or what tools to use.
I wanna find inspiration, wanna travel, go surfing. Can't wait to put a sign on my door which reads 'Gone Surfing'!
After I write this, I'm gonna do some push-ups, and sit-ups, then go shave, then hit the shower, and then take a long walk to clear my mind. I wish I lived near the ocean, then I would walk to the ocean, and gaze out beyond the horizon, listen to the waves crashing in.

Today I went down to buy a pizza, and while I was at it, I might as well buy some soda. My plan was to stay in and watch a film, so why not buy some candy too... I did buy all that, ate the pizza, drank half the soda and decided that was enough, I didn't need that, it's just propelling my self-pity even more, so I ate some of the candy untill I thought about why I was doing it, and then I spat out the two pieces, that was in my mouth, and the rest of the bag in the bin. Actually that was a little victory for me. Cause I can have a good time without candy and soda, I don't need that 'fake joy'!

Why do I keep forgetting how important it is for me to write... Now I already feel better just by writing this.

I keep my right to post short blogspost... ;)

All the best,
Lucas Alexander